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Bancuri turistice

Cat e ceasul? Metoda taraneasca

Ce zice sotul programator:
Sotia: Ai facut cumparaturile?
Sotul: Bad command or file name.
Sotia: Dar te-am rugat de dimineata...
Sotul: Syntax Error.Abort?
Sotia: Nici macar noul televizor?
Sotul: Variable not found...
Sotia: Bine,da-mi cartea de credit,merg eu la cumparaturi...
Sotul: Sharing Violation.Access denied!
Sotia: Tu vorbesti serios,glumesti sau incerci sa ma enervezi?
Sotul: Too meny parameters...
Sotia: Cum de m-am maritat eu tocmai cu tine?
Sotul: Data type mismatch.
Sotia: Dar salariul cand il iei?
Sotul: File in use...Try later.
Sotia: Ma faci sa ma intreb...ce insemn eu pentru tine?
Sotul: Unknown Virus.
Un apel telefonic la o agentie de turism:
- Faceti excursii in Egipt?
- Da, desigur...
- Spuneti-mi, va rog, ce statiuni balneare sunt acolo?
- Sharm-eli, Hurgada, Taba, Nuveiba...
- Stop... Nuveiba. Nuveiba e bine!
- Când doriti sa plecati?
- A, nu, nu plecam. Noi doar rezolvam integrame

Un tip face seara autostopul. Il vede pe unul cu o caruta venind pe sosea si il intreaba :
- No bade, departe-i Cluju' ?
-D-apo' nu-i departe !
Urca tipul in caruta si adoarme, iar mai spre dimineata se scoala si intreaba :
- Bade, da' unde-i Cluju' ?
- No acu-i departe !


La un team building,echipele de IT, vanzari si logistica se distreaza.
La un moment dat,echipa de logistica intra intr-un desis si iese de acolo cu un iepure spunand: avem de un gratar!
Mai stau ce mai stau, intra echipa de la IT in desis,si ies si ei tot cu un iepure,spunand:uite si de o friptura!
Echipa vanzatorilor,un pic iritata si privind de sus (ca de obicei), intra in padure,si….liniste….liniste…deodata urlete, crengi rupte, vanzoleala.
Echipa de vanzari buluc iese din desis cu un urs dupa ei.
Din fuga, striga catre cei de la logistica si de la IT:
-Noi vi l-am adus, voi... descurcati-va!!!


I AM A TRAVEL AGENT!!
I am a travel agent....I have advance degrees in accounting, public relations, marketing, business building, computer science, civil engineering, and Swahili.
I am a travel agent....Of course I remember the reservation you booked six years ago, even though you don't have a confirmation number and you think it was made under a last name that begins with a T.
I am a travel agent....It' s no problem for me to give you seven connecting non-smoking poolside suites with 2 king beds and 4 rollaways in each, and yes, it is my fault that the hotel does not have a helicopter pad.
I am a travel agent....I speak all languages and have visited Every destination.
I am a travel agent....It' s obvious to me when you book your reservation for Friday, you really mean Saturday.
I am a travel agent....My company has entrusted me with financial information, and yet I can't tell you why your hotel bill for March 1989 had a .50 per phone call because, of course, you shouldn't have to pay for calls.
I am a travel agent....I understand that Joe Blow Ltd. is a vast empire and will make or break my agency.
I am a travel agent....Yes, I am lying when I say there are no seats left at the lowest price during Spring Break, Thanksgiving or Christmas.
I am a travel agent....No, it's not a problem for me to quickly construct several more guest rooms at the hotel you want, and this time I will not forget the helicopter landing pad!
I am a travel agent....I am capable of checking fares for three people, taking five reservations and answering fifteen calls simultaneously.
I am a travel agent....I always know where to find the best vegetarian, kosher, and Mongolian barbecue restaurants.
I am a travel agent....I know exactly what to do in all cities without spending money.
I am a travel agent....I take responsibility for airline food, traffic jams, rental car flat tires, weather, hotel locations, and the national economy.
I am a travel agent....Of course I can fit you into the hotel at the special corporate rate because you are affiliated with the Blackburn North Lawn Bowling club.
I am a travel agent... I am never offended when I spend 10 hours researching a 12 day Europe itinerary only to hear you say you "I booked it myself over the internet and saved $30 !!!" I also never gloat when you call back to say the rate was sold out or that you are stuck in the middle of no where since they cancelled your flight and you cannot "call" your internet provider to be protected on another flight.
I am a travel agent... I love when people walk up to me at parties and out of the blue expect me to know the latest airlines fares from Melbourne to Ibiza via Byron Bay, the Maldives and Nairobi "off the top of my head".
I am a travel agent... I love that everyone assumes I get to travel everywhere for free and when I do get to take advantage of a perk people act like it is a sin against nature. If you ask me to get you the rate at my "travel agent discount" I will kill you.
I am a travel agent...Don' t bother telling me any dates or cities since I am a mind reader and already have the reservation in my crystal ball before you can tell me.
I smile, empathize, sympathize, console, cajole, up-sell, down-sell, cross-sell, perform, sing, dance, make coffee and fix the printer..... ........
I AM A TRAVEL AGENT !!!
Sursa: agentia de turism MICOMIS din Brasov.


Doi nebuni mergeau prin desert,unul cara in spate un butoi si celalalt cara o usa de masina. -Tu,de ce cari cu tine butoiul? -Pai cand mi-e sete mai beau cate o gura de apa.Dar tu de ce cari usa aia de masina in spate? -Pai,mie cand mi-e cald mai deschid geamul !!!

Un turist vorbeste cu receptionerul unui hotel:
- Tariful nostru este urmatorul: 100 de dolari pe noapte, pat si micul dejun, sau doar 10 dolari daca va faceti singur patul.
- Foarte bine, imi aleg varianta sa-mi fac singur patul.
- OK! Poftiti fierastraul si ciocanul, ramane doar sa faceti rost de cuie.


O discutie intre 2 copii in camera lor . Baietelul catre fetita:
- Ce-i vei cere lui Mos Craciun anul acesta?
F: O papusica Barbie , dar tu ?
B: eu ii voi cere un Tampax
F: Tampax ? Ce e asta ?
B: ...habar n-am , dar zic astia la televizor ca daca-l folosesti poti merge la plaja in fiecare zi, sa mergi cu bicicleta , piscina, sa dansezi , sa alergi , sa faci o multime de lucruri ....fara ca nimeni sa-si dea seama !


Conferinţa internatională a mafioţilor.
După şedinţă, il capo di tutti capi îl cheamă pe Ion, şeful mafiei româneşti, la el.
- Auzi, Ioane, tu ai vilă din asta cu 2 etaje, cum am eu?
- Nu, răspunde Ion.
- Dar Mertzane ca ale mele, ai?
- Nu.
- Dar lanţ din ăsta gros cât 2 degete, de aur, ai?
- Nu.
- Măi, păi ce mafiot eşti tu? La congresul următor să nu te aud că nu ai ce ţi-am zis azi, clar?
Merge Ion acasă şi îl strigă pe servitorul lui, Ghiţă.
- Ghiţă!!! Dărâmă ultimele 3 etaje de la casă, vinde elicopterele şi cumpără Mertzane, iar câinele du-l în casă, că lanţul lui trebuie să-l port eu...


Cele 7 minuni ale comunismului:
1. Toatã lumea avea de lucru.
2. Desi toatã lumea avea de lucru, nimeni nu muncea.
3. Desi nimeni nu muncea, planul se fãcea peste 100%.
4. Desi planul se fãcea peste 100%, nu puteai cumpãra nimic
.5. Desi nu gãseai nimic de cumpãrat, toatã lumea avea de toate.
6. Desi toatã lumea avea de toate, toti furau..
7. Desi toti furau, niciodatã nu lipsea nimic..



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